i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
My dick has a subreddit
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
