Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
