Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
True college students do jello shots in the library
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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