the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize