now i know why i became what i already was.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
