Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
