..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
