If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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