Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
