I just threw up on my dentist
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Randomize
