Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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