I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
