I feel like I'm in dance class right now
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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