so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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