Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
