Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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