you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
