i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
