It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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