Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Randomize
