Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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