On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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