Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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