Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
