Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
