A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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