so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
