How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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