i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
My ass is underappreciated
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
