Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
