You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
