It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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