tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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