Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
