well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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