I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
