Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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