Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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