Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
