I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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