so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
