remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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