one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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