we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
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