I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
