Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
