I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
