roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
