I'm lost and stupid without you.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
