i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
