I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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