I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
