Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
