it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Can you bring me the toilet please
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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