You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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