billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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