Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
