you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
