drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
