Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
