the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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