Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
