Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
