At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
