jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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