apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Randomize
