Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
