we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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