I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
