Can i not drive my cunt home
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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