the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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